Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
