when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
