i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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