Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
