He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
