she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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