Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
