haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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