FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
