I love black thongs
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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