also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
