Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
