carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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