Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
