I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
