I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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