After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
