there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
