We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
