I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
