even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
