Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
