He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
