I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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