I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
