Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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