listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
