Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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