i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
