Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
