so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
