i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God I need to hump something, right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
