Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
