Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
