You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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