since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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