note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
