You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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