i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
