maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
