You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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