If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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