Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
