my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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