I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize