He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize