I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
