Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
