I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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