I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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