I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My vagina is officially offended.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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