So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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