His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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