If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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