My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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