it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
