Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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