I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
