I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
