Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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