It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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