I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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