he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
