No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
