The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
