Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
