Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
