I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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