shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
