I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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