I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
