Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
